The May Moodboard

Greiving the growing

May has a way of sneaking up on you. One minute you’re surviving the January grind, and the next you’re staring down the last few weeks of school with a calendar that looks like it’s been hit by a glitter bomb. Field days. End-of-year parties. Teacher Appreciation Week. We call it Maycember for a reason.

But underneath all the chaos, there’s something quieter happening. Something that doesn’t make it onto the calendar but settles heavily in your chest anyway.

In the blink of an eye, another year has passed. Another year that they will be under your roof has disappeared all too quickly. And all of a sudden, you see the changes that have happened in the last 9 months: the growth, the maturity, the milestones that have passed.

And honestly? It feels like a deep exhale. It feels like something is working. But it also feels like letting go of something sacred. Something I didn’t know I was holding until it was already slipping through my fingers.

That’s the thing about May: it highlights the changes happening. It makes us hold the pride and the ache of parenting at the forefront of our minds. And if you’re feeling it too, you’re not alone. Moody May… I’m right there with you ;)

So here’s what May actually looks like around here:

• Sports seasons have wrapped, which means our evenings finally have some breathing room… but our days are somehow even fuller with end-of-year everything.

• Navigating the new freedom my boys are asking for in the neighborhood. How far is too far? What are the rules before summer officially starts? We’re figuring it out in real time.

• Finalizing summer camps, because apparently that requires the same energy as planning a small military operation.

• Prepping the house for summer: restocking the snack drawer, getting the back porch actually usable again, and bracing for two boys who will essentially live outside for the next three months.

• Putting together end-of-year appreciation gifts for teachers and staff, because these people showed up for my kids every single day, and they deserve more than a gift card in an envelope. {Linked my fave idea here, been using for the last couple of years! It is this fun can cooler stuffed with bubble waters and a gift card!}

• Slowing down the morning routine, or at least trying to. Because just when I finally had it dialed in, we’re two weeks from blowing the whole thing up for summer. The irony is not lost on me.

• May 24th marks eight years since Jones's heart transplant, his heartiversary. May always pulls me back into that season: the fear, the faith, the miracle of watching a day that changed everything turn into eight years of a boy who is so wildly alive. It is joy and grief and gratitude all wrapped up in one, and I wouldn't trade a single complicated feeling of it.

May’s Permission Slip:

Permission to Grieve the Growing

Here's the thing about motherhood that nobody warns you about: the grief doesn't just come at the big milestones. It comes in waves, over and over again, steeped in equal parts joy and ache, because you are watching someone you love more than your own life become exactly who they were made to be.

It is both the most beautiful and the most bittersweet thing you will ever witness. And somehow, the end of the school year makes it all hit at once.

Because you blinked, you know you did.

You dropped them off on the first day with a new backpack that was almost bigger than they were, and now you’re standing at the finish line of an entire year, wondering how it went that fast. They are two inches taller. They have fewer teeth. They know things you didn’t teach them and have friendships you weren’t there for. And in just a few weeks, they won’t be in that grade anymore. That version of them, the one you spent this whole year getting to know, is already becoming someone new.

And the grief of that doesn’t just come at graduations or milestone birthdays. It came the day they stopped wanting to be carried. The night they didn’t need you to rock them anymore. The morning they figured out the car seat buckle on their own, and you sat in the front seat trying to figure out why that made you want to cry.

Lately, for me, it’s the pull away I always knew was coming. They take their own showers now. They get dressed in the morning without me. They grab their own snacks and bubble waters from the fridge like little people who live here and know where everything is. They have a whole gang of kids they play kickball with in the backyard, a world they’ve built that doesn’t require me to build it for them.

And I have wanted this. I have prayed for this. There were seasons I felt like I was drowning in their need for me, and I desperately craved this exhale. But nobody told me the exhale would feel like loss, too.

My boys are the exception in that they still love to snuggle up at the end of the day, and I hold onto that with both hands. They love being in my presence, and I feel so blessed by that. But even still, I feel it, this quiet ache that comes with watching them need you less.

I want to let go. But I want them to hold on.

So this month, I’m giving you permission to grieve the growing. Permission to feel the ache without guilt. Permission to be proud of who they’re becoming and heartbroken about who they’re leaving behind… at the very same time. Both things are true. Both things are allowed.

What I Am Holding Onto in May:

The years that feel like they’re slipping through our fingers are not slipping through His. He is sovereign over every season… the ones that feel sacred and the ones that feel like survival. He was faithful to us, and He will be faithful to them. Their futures are already spread out before Him, known and held and loved.

So trust Him with it all: every season, every growth spurt, every worry, and every fear.

What I Am Consuming in May:

READING: Parenting by Andy & Sandy Stanley. Rob and I are reading this one together, which feels right for this season. It was recommended to us, and we are just now digging in, but we are already loving it. What makes it unique is that it’s dual-narrated (husband and wife, father and mother), and that dual perspective is something I think we so often miss in parenting books. It’s not just the mom’s experience. It’s both of theirs. Highly recommend reading it with your person.

FOR THE DADS: Between Dad and Me journals by Katie Clemons. I got two of these, one for each of my boys to give to Rob for his birthday, because I realized something: I am with our boys all the time. I do the pickups. I get the afternoon debriefs. I know what happened at recess and who said what at lunch. Rob doesn’t always get that. So I wanted to give them all a way to connect on a deeper level, just the three of them. It’s almost like being pen pals with their dad. They have to think intentionally about the relationship: what they love to do together, how he makes them feel, what they want him to know. They even get to set their own rules together: who gets to read it, how often they pass it back and forth. Which, as a bonus, teaches them something really important about boundaries and honoring another person. Watching it unfold has been one of the sweetest things. If your kids’ dad is looking for a way to go deeper with them, this is it.

5 Things You Need for Your Boy Mom Summer:

1 & 2. The Burlebo American Flag Hat + Performance Hoodie. My boys have both of these and reach for them all the time, which is the highest endorsement I can give anything. The hat is lightweight, easy to pack, and holds up to every kind of summer chaos, including getting completely soaked. The patriotic print carries you right through every summer holiday without missing a beat. The hoodie is the one I grab when we’re heading to the pool, the lake, or the beach, and I want them covered without a fight. It’s UPF 40, lightweight, and gives them that effortlessly put-together look that boy moms know is hard to come by. These two are a summer non-negotiable in our house.

3. J.Crew Factory Boys Boxers. These are our summer pajamas, full stop. A pair of these with a big t-shirt is the only thing my boys reach for after a shower from June through August. They’re cool, comfortable, and the fun prints make them feel like a treat. Bonus: they can absolutely still run around the backyard in them after dinner, and nobody is mad about it.

4. Minnow Buttercream Stripe Low Back One Piece. This one is on my summer wishlist, and I cannot stop thinking about it. Every boy mom needs a swimsuit that can actually keep up: jumping waves, kids climbing your back, all of it. This one is cute enough to feel intentional, and the yellow is just perfection. Adding to the cart, the second summer officially starts.

5. Madewell Easy Shirt + Pull-On Shorts in Chanterelle Print. Also firmly on the wishlist. This matching set is the kind of thing that does everything: beach cover-up, travel set, camp pickup outfit, or thrown on with a dressier sandal for dinner. The print is so good, and the ease of a matching set in the summer is something I will always be here for.

What I’m Paying Attention To:

Actually looking forward to summer. I’ll be honest, I usually meet the end of the school year with equal parts excitement and low-grade anxiety. Two boys, one roof, a lot of hours to fill. But this year feels different. They are at really good ages, we have a summer full of camps and trips ahead of us, and somewhere along the way, these two started genuinely bonding in the best way. I am paying attention to that shift and choosing not to take it for granted.

Returning to faithfulness every time a heartiversary passes. Eight years. Each one that goes by is a celebration and a reminder all at once. I have watched God show up for Jones again and again in ways I couldn’t have scripted, and I have to keep returning to that. Not resting on it passively, but actively choosing to trust Him with what’s ahead because of what He has already done.

Leaning into the moments they still need me, no matter how small. The questions they ask from the backseat. The “watch this, mom” moments. The walks that go nowhere in particular. The family nights that won’t make it onto anyone’s highlight reel but will live in my heart forever. They are growing up fast, and I know it. So I am paying attention. I am showing up for the small stuff because I know soon enough the small stuff will be all I’m wishing for.

If you’re in the thick of Maycember right now, I see you. The calendar is full, the feelings are complicated, and somehow you’re supposed to hold it all together while also remembering to bring drinks in for the end-of-the-year party.

Give yourself some grace. Feel what you need to feel. And don’t forget to look up every once in a while, because the moments you’re rushing through right now are the ones you’ll want back someday.

Here’s to finishing the year well, grieving the growing, and trusting the One who holds it all.

For all the fun goodies mentioned in this month’s post, click HERE!

XOXO, Blair